Mike Pound: Delicate dance of home improvement

JOPLIN, Mo. - The dance has begun.



It's a dance that has been perfected over time, one filled with dramatic swings of emotion ranging from excitement to boredom, from dread to resignation.



It's a simple dance, really, but it is also a dance that is deceptive because of its complexity. It is an enigma, a puzzle wrapped up in a conundrum.



When the dance began a few months ago, I was surprised. I was under the impression that the dance had been put away for a few years. But out of the blue, my wife slipped on her dancing shoes and commenced with the rug cutting.



'What would you think of having a walk-in closet in our bedroom?' my wife asked.



'Why would I want that?' I asked back.



It is my wife's opinion that a walk-in closet is just the thing we need to complete our bedroom. This, despite the fact that my wife already has a walk-in closet, which I pointed out.



'But I can't walk in it,' my wife said. I pointed out that the reason she can't walk in her walk-in closet is because she has filled it with junk.



'That's why we need another walk-in closet,' my wife said.



And, just like that, the dance began.



For my wife, the goal of the dance is to somehow convince me that I want whatever new home improvement she wants. Not only that, she also has to convince me that somehow my opinion about the new home improvement matters.



For me, the goal of the dance is to resist the home improvement as long as I can while knowing that resistance is futile. My other goal - after I have stopped resisting - is to somehow convince my wife that I care about the new home improvement.



Rudolf Nureyev would have had trouble with this dance.



For several days, my wife kept insisting that we needed a second walk-in closet while I kept insisting that we didn't. Then, as I always do, I politely conceded by saying: 'Fine! Do what you want! You always do anyway!'



And that was the last I heard about the walk-in closet.



Then early Thursday evening, my wife walked into the family room where I was watching baseball and informed me that Brian, who does our home improvement work, was dropping by Friday morning to talk about the walk-in closet. When I asked my wife why I needed to be involved in the closet chat, she looked at me like I was crazy.



'Because it's your closet, too. I want your input,' she said.



And, just like that, the dance began again.



At 8 a.m. Friday, I was sipping coffee with Brian in our kitchen. We were waiting for my wife, who was still upstairs. Brian and I talked about several things while we waited, but the one thing we didn't talk about was the walk-in closet. We didn't talk about it because Brian knew I didn't care.



When my wife came downstairs, Brian showed her a sketch. My wife studied it for a few minutes and then asked me what I thought.



'I like it,' I said. 'What is it?'



'It's the closet,' my wife said. 'Won't it be great?'



'Sure,' I said.



After a few minutes, I excused myself to go check on one of the cats. My wife told me to hurry back.



'I want your input,' she said.



I told my wife I would hurry, but I didn't. I took my time.



When I came back, my wife and Brian had wrapped up most of the walk-in closet details.



'You're going to love it,' my wife said, referring to the walk-in closet.



'I can't wait,' I said.



And the dance goes on.

Do you have an idea for Mike Pound's column? Call him at 417-623-3480, ext. 7259, or email him at mpound@joplinglobe.com. Follow him on Twitter @mikepoundglobe.